Parents should be prepared to help their children cope during the potentially difficult period leading up to and immediately following the anniversary - a time when children and youth will also be adjusting to the usual challenges of starting a new school year.

The following suggestions can help parents meet the needs of their children and families.

Be prepared for your children (and for you) to experience a resurfacing of emotions. The range of reactions will vary depending on your children’s personal history and connection to attacks. Some children will exhibit little to no change in emotion or behavior. Other children will re-experience feelings of anxiety, fear, anger, or grief like those felt a year ago. Related symptoms may include disruptive behavior, reduced concentration, heightened irritability or sensitivity, and withdrawal. In most cases, symptoms will subside with your reassurance and support.

Be mindful of more severe reactions. Some children may demonstrate more intense, persistent reactions that warrant professional mental health intervention. These symptoms include:

• Refusing to go to school and excessive "clinging"
• Persistent fears related to the catastrophe
• Sleep disturbances such as nightmares, screaming during sleep, or bedwetting
• Irritability and loss of concentration
• Being easily startled and jumpy
• New or unusual behavior problems
• Physical complaints for which a physical cause cannot be found
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Sadness, listlessness, or decreased activity
• Preoccupation with the disaster
  

Pay particular attention to these symptoms if your child has other mental health issues, and/or has experienced another traumatic event. Contact your pediatrician and/or your school psychologist or a private mental health professional.

Allow your children opportunities to express their feelings. Take time to listen and talk, but don’t force discussion. Reassure them that it is okay to feel sad or upset when they remember an unhappy event and that it is natural to have such memories on anniversary dates. Also, let them know that, with the passage of time, the feelings associated with these memories will lessen. Be patient; children do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work.

Spend family time. Doing enjoyable activities with you reinforces your children’s sense of stability and normalcy. Try to do things together, such as eat meals, read, play sports or games, go for walks or bike rides, or watch nonviolent, non-stressful TV, etc. To the extent possible, postpone business trips or evening meetings during this time period. Young children may also want more physical contact (e.g., hugs, holding hands, sitting on your lap, etc.). You know your children best, and your love and support are the most important factors to their sense of security. Be observant and open to their questions, concerns, and/or increased signs of anxiety.

Maintain a normal routine but be flexible. Ensure that your child gets plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. This is particularly important since they are also adjusting to being back at school. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed. Spend extra time with them at bedtime or let them keep the light on if they are having difficulty sleeping.

Share any concerns with your child’s new teacher. This is important at any time during the school year, but particularly at the beginning when teachers have not had time to get to know their new students well. Let the teacher know if you think your child is likely to have a difficult time with the anniversary, what you think the teacher can do to best help your child cope, and the best way to communicate with you.

Reassure your children that they are safe. Remind them that adults are doing everything possible to prevent further harm. Young children need to know that you and other important adults in their lives are okay and will keep them safe. Older children can understand that there are no guarantees in life but that the chances of something happening to them are remote.

Focus on your children’s strengths. Remind them how well they have done since September 11 and what they have learned about dealing with their emotions. Talk about the positive things they can do to maintain a sense of control, such as reviewing safety skills they may have learned at school; keeping their desk or room organized; spending time with friends and family; helping out at home; working harder at a favorite sport or hobby; or doing volunteer work.

Help your child identify another trusted adult. For most children, the natural support systems of their friends and families provide the necessary sense of stability. It is helpful, however, for your child to know at least one other adult they can turn to if you or their friends are not available.

Remind your child to be respectful of other people’s reactions. Children don’t always know how to respond to classmates who seem sad, frightened, or insecure. Suggest that simple actions, like saying, "I am sorry you are sad," or asking an upset classmate to eat lunch with them, will make both your child and their classmate feel better. Reiterate that teasing or bullying is never okay, that how people express their feelings is personal, and that all feelings are valid. However, encourage your child to tell an adult if a friend seems overwhelmed by their emotions or talks of hurting themselves or others.

Turn off the television and news radio. The media is likely to dramatize the anniversary. Watching replays of the attacks, predictions of future attacks, assessment of Homeland Security, or even stories about the history and whereabouts of the terrorists can raise your child’s anxiety level.

Be aware of your own reactions. You may also be affected by the anniversary, particularly if your family was directly impacted by the attacks. Your children will look to you for guidance and will also gauge their current situation based on your reactions. You can be honest about your feelings but it is important that you are calm and can reassure your children that things will be okay. Talk to other supportive adults. Connect with family, friends, or members of your faith community and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it. Take care of your own health by getting regular meals, exercise, and sleep. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to feel better.

Help your children decide if they want to participate in memorial activities. Your school or community may mark the anniversary with a memorial activity. Memorials can be a helpful part of the healing process because they allow people to come together to express their feelings and reduce their sense of isolation and vulnerability. But not everyone feels the need to or is comfortable participating in a memorial. Your child may want the chance to remember the event in some special way and even to be involved in the planning, which can help constructively focus feelings of grief, fear, or anger. However, your child may find a memorial activity too upsetting. Reassure them that it is perfectly fine not to participate.

Emphasize the positive. Whether it is at school or at home, anniversary activities should center on the positive attributes of lost friends or loved ones and/or the empowering effects of the recovery process. This includes the importance of family, a stronger sense of community, increased civic activism, the desire to help others, tolerance for people’s differences, and a greater appreciation for the rights and responsibilities of American freedom.

© 2002, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402, Bethesda, MD 20814, (301) 657-0270, fax (301) 657-0275,TTY (301) 657-4155, http://www.nasponline.org/index2.html

For information on helping children cope with traumatic events and other challenges in life, visit http://www.nasponline.org/NEAT/crisismain.html